Sometimes if we are lucky, maybe once or twice in our lives, we will be struck with an idea so brilliant, a talent so natural that everything in the universe comes together to create peace, harmony, and perfect unity among every being.
YOU GUYS. This magical moment happened to me on Friday. You see, I promised myself a reward for finishing my first 5k. I was going to treat myself to a grown up sports bra, a fancy one that would keep my Abilities safe and secure, one that would maybe ensure they were in the same place in race photos instead of up by my chin in one photo and up in the chin of the person behind me in the next. I’ve been wearing two old sports bras I got from The Walmart. Wearing them both. At the same time. It wasn’t working out for me, y’all. So I did the first 5k and excitedly began researching Real Sports Bras. This led to the greatest moment of my short life. Please to observe:
And with that question, my life changed. This latent talent began to reveal itself:
And then it began to grow:
With iWill’s encouragement, I continued to stretch my newfound muscles of greatness:
And become AWESOME:
I cannot even pretend to be humble about this, y’all. I mean REALLY:
It’s like this secret garden of wordplay has existed in my brain my whole life, just waiting for the sun and rain of wang-related humor to coax it into being:
In short, I’m amazing. Of course, iWill isn’t too shabby at this game either:
The Copa Cabana: Keep your Manilow Manly
The Kitaen: Because your Whitesnake deserves a groupie.
The Fifth Element: Because You Can’t Replace Your Multi-Pass
The Banner: Protect Your Incredible Hulk
The BBD: Because That Girl is Poison (tm iWill)
The Jackson: Because When You are Running, you don’t want to Beat It
The Quigley: Protects you Down Under
The Jayne: Because you REALLY like your Gun
The Hoth: Keeps your TaunTaun Warm
The Einstein: Because Size is Relative (tm iWill)
And, if we ever decide to break into the market of lube, we have The Dawson: Keep Your Pacey from Creeking.
It is my sincere hope your life, like mine, has been irrevocably and phenomenally changed from this experience. Look for my resume, Lululemon. This is your opportunity to hire a GOLD MINE of talent.