Once upon a time, She-Ra, Wonder Woman, and The Birthday Boy all had birthdays within a month of each other. They decided to join forces and celebrate in a Super way, by inviting all their Superhero/Supervillain friends to a Super party.
They were joined by their friend Reflector, a masked disco villain/hero:
The Night Nurse showed up to give everyone a taste of bad medicine:
She-Ra took one for the team:
As the night continued, more Super Friends arrived, including Betty White, Old Clark Kent, and the most evil villain of all, The One Percent (who kept taking our drinks before we’d even had a sip):
Drinks were made in the lab, where schematics were taped to the wall and evil potions bubbled:
There was dancing and general merriment throughout the night:
As the night continued, Wonder Woman found herself drinking tequila through a straw in order to keep her red glitter lips beautiful. Wonder Woman also drank a LOT of tequila. In fact, the Super Friends kept bringing Wonder Woman more tequila.
Wonder Woman: I have had way much of all the tequila!
She-Ra: That is SO good! We should really go save lives!
Wonder Woman: What a brilliant idea! The good citizens of Capitol Hill require our assistance, I’m sure.
She-Ra: (to the rest of the party) We are off to save lives!
Wonder Woman: WAIT I NEED TO DRINK MORE TEQUILA OKAY LET’S GO NOW!
So Wonder Woman and She-Ra took to the streets of Capitol Hill and immediately found citizens in dire need of help.
Wonder Woman: GOOD CITIZEN, PLEASE WAIT TO CROSS THE STREET! THE LIGHT IS RED! IT IS NOT SAFE!
She-Ra: PLEASE DO NOT WORRY. WE WILL BE RIGHT THERE TO ASSIST YOU!
(The WALK sign begins to flash. She-Ra runs into the crosswalk, making sure all cars stopped at red lights continue to stay stop. Wonder Woman runs to the other side of the street, where many fine citizens have gathered.)
Wonder Woman: I AM HERE TO HELP YOU SAFELY ACROSS THE STREET. PLEASE DO NOT PANIC. IF EVERYONE WILL GRAB HOLD OF MY LASSO OF TRUTH, I SHALL GUIDE YOUR SAFE PASSAGE. COME WITH ME IF YOU WANT TO LIVE!
She-Ra: Trust us, fine citizens! We are SUPERHEROES.
Man in Car Waiting to Turn Left: You are SUPERCUNTS!
Wonder Woman: SIR! THAT KIND OF LANGUAGE CAN ONLY MEAN ONE THING! YOU, SIR, MUST BE A SUPER VILLAIN! PLEASE TURN AWAY FROM YOUR LIFE OF CRIME!
She-Ra: Kind and generous citizens, please turn your ears away from the supervillain and focus only on the task ahead of you! Trust us! Let the truth be your guide!
Wonder Woman: I WILL ALSO BE YOUR GUIDE BECAUSE I HAVE A LASSO OF TRUTH! IF YOU HAVE SECRETS YOU DO NOT WISH TO DISCLOSE, I MUST CAUTION YOU AGAINST SPEAKING WHILE HOLDING THE LASSO OF TRUTH BECAUSE IT IS THE LASSO OF TRUTH. IF IT WERE THE LASSO OF SECRETS, YOU WOULD BE FINE. OR EVEN IF IT WERE JUST A SPARKLY GOLD ROPE. NAY, THIS IS THE LASSO OF TRUTH AND MUST BE RESPECTED. DO NOT TRIP ON THE CURB!
We helped many vulnerable citizens cross the street that night. The police who patrolled that part of the neighborhood were skeptical about our superhero abilities at first. But then, a man across the street began to jaywalk.
She-Ra and Wonder Woman in unison: SIR DO NOT STEP OFF THE CURB IT IS VERY DANGEROUS BECAUSE YOU HAVE A DON’T WALK SIGN! YOU COULD GET HIT BY A CAR! THIS IS A VERY UNSAFE DECISION! PLEASE, GOOD SIR, DO NOT BE RECKLESS WITH YOUR LIFE. WE WILL BE THERE TO ASSIST YOUR SAFE CROSSING AS SOON AS WE CAN! YOU MUST WAIT FOR US! YOU MUST NOT LOSE HOPE! WE ARE ON OUR WAY!
At this point, the police realized our commitment to the good of all mankind. They saluted and went on their way to patrol another block because CLEARLY we had Olive/Bellevue covered.
After assisting all the citizens on the Hill, we headed back up to the party for more tequila and dancing. It’s possible Wonder Woman lost her dignity at some point. She definitely lost her balance and had to crawl a few times. Still, she never lost hold of the Lasso of Truth. Because in a world of ordinary mortals, she is a Wonder Woman.
(Thank you to all who helped celebrate our birthdays! Not Pictured: Hit Girl, Kick Ass, Angel Dust, The Green Swan, The Doctor, Catwoman, Batman, The Bridesmaid, and various superheroes/villains who were forced to come as their alter-egos to maintain anonymity, thus are not pictured here.)