Aside from celebrating birthdays and basking in the love of delicious people, I’ve settled into a nice routine for 2011. It can be described in one word.

Busy.
I am so busy guys. Between work and chemo/radiation appointments, it seems I have something scheduled every single evening of every single week. (So busy that when trying to schedule date #2 with NYE stairwell guy, we only had one free day between the two of us for the next 2 weeks.) I’m loving it, of course. Being busy means I’m spending time with friends, and friends make me happy. But sadly, being busy means I’m not as free to tell y’all stories, which bums me out because I like you guys and I like telling you stories.
Did I tell you about my new year’s resolution yet? No? Last year I decided I wanted to improve my life in enormous ways. I wanted to go the way of the great philosophers and philanthropists. I wanted to be better. So with that goal in mind, I resolved to always put a new roll of toilet paper on the holder and I’m proud to say I didn’t forget even once. And now I’m in such a habit I get frustrated when other people leave the holder empty and stick a new roll on top. It’s like, how lazy can you be? Except I know how lazy you can be because I was just that lazy a year ago.
This year I wanted to improve myself. So I resolved to break my love of online celebrity gossip. Cold turkey. And so far, I’ve been successful. See, I realized I would be out with my friends and someone would tell a story and I’d be all, “OMG! That totally happened to this friend of mine!” and then I’d realized by “friend” I meant “Taylor Swift” and then I’d have to backtrack and that just gets embarrassing. So I cut myself off cold turkey and you know what? It’s like my brain has more room! My head feels clear! Full of space! Ready to learn new things!
So last week, I added Resolution Number Two. To fill up all the space I’ve cleared with Res1, I’ve decided to teach myself geography. See, I’m the product of the Texas Public School System which means I never took geography. Ever. Which isn’t a big deal until you lose a Trivial Pursuit Grudge Match because nobody on your 3-person team knows where the Everglades are.
(True story. Shameful story. And now, whenever I play Trivial Pursuit, my team is Team Everglade.)
(Please still be my friends.)
So yes. Res2 is to learn geography. Simply put, I’m going to learn where shit is. And at the end of the year, I’m going to print out a blank map and color it in pretty with map colors. AND I’m going to label it. And then I will scan it and you guys will be so proud of me. You’ll be all, “Wow Alida, you are so smart AND sexy and your knowledge of the countries of Central America make me want to make out with you.”
And I’ll be all, “Only if you can name the capital of Paraguay*, bitches.”
The other night, we were driving home from Boz’s 33 1/3 birthday celebration. I forget how we started talking about it, but I was telling Bowie and Betty Nebraska about the weird dreams I’ve been having.
(Dream 1: I buy a new purity ring, like I used to wear back in college. Within 12 hours, it’s rusted off my finger. Does not take a genius to interpret this one, y’all.)
(Dream 2: All of my friends are turned into zombies. The only way to save them is if I make out with and/or sleep with them. I am terrified of zombies but I love my friends. It was like Sophie’s choice. Sort of.)
So anyway, I’m explaining these dreams and we’re discussing what they could mean and then Bowie and I have this conversation:
Bowie: Maybe you need another exorcism?
Me: Are you saying the first one didn’t take?
Bowie: Well, maybe a reverse-exorcism. Maybe we need to exorcise the remaining Christian bits out of you.
Me: Are you offering to anoint me with vegetable oil?
Bowie: No, you are older and wiser now. We’ll use fancy olive oil.
Me: Probably shouldn’t use extra virgin then.
Bowie: No, that would probably burn a hole in your forehead.
Betty Nebraska: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
This happened at work the other day:
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Baby Girl insisted I keep them on. She kept demanding I “be Lady Gaga, ‘Leela!” So I did. And I was.
(Upon further reflection, I admit she might have been saying, “Leela goggles!” She’s tiny and is hard to understand sometimes. And you should see her try to run. Heh.)
I heart you guys. And I’m glad I got to tell you some stories. Makes me feel better as I get ready to rush off for dinner with Mike D and his wife, as I head into a weekend of second dates and drag queen musicals, brunches and movies, extra work and the first week of radiation.
(And less tequila, I think.)
*Asunción
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