Weird? Or AWESOME. You decide, based on the following conversations:
While talking to my sister about my stomach bug:
Ceci: Ugh, so you were throwing up all night?
Me: Yeah, it sucked. And now I burst CAPILLARIES in my FACE.
Ceci: Again? I think you do that every time you throw up!
Me: I know! AND I have a bruise on my face because I can’t throw up without smacking my face on the toilet.
Ceci: You are extremely bad at throwing up.
Me: I KNOW! And I don’t know how to get better because that’s not the kind of thing you want to practice, you know? But every time I was running to the bathroom, I’d think to myself, “Now is my chance to figure out how to throw up gracefully!” But then I never could.
Ceci: That is a very weird and sad story.
Me: I live a very weird and sad life, I think.
Ceci: Maybe you’ll get another stomach bug soon and you’ll figure out how to throw up gracefully!
Me: Aw, thank you!
While scrounging around the kitchen for a snack last night:
My Roommate: What are you doing?
Me: Looking for a snack. Are these cinnamon rolls up for grabs?
My Roommate: Yes but you might want to add some butter when you reheat them. They are a little dry.
Me: Wait, they have no frosting! How can cinnamon rolls have no frosting??
My Roommate: I know! But they are famous at the bakery where I work! Even without frosting!
Me: Later for that. I’m going to make a glaze. Oooh, with maple! A maple glaze!
My Roommate: Sounds good!
Me: Wait, where’s the maple syrup?
My Roommate: Oh, are you out of maple syrup?
Me: I must be. OH WAIT. I KNOW! It’s in my bedroom by my bed!
My Roommate: Um, I may regret asking this but I have to know. WHY is the maple syrup in your bedroom by your bed?
Me: Because I had leftover pancakes and reheated them for dinner the other night. But I wanted to eat them in bed while I watched 21 Jump Street because pancakes in bed while watching 80s era Johnny Depp is THE DREAM but then when I went to put syrup on them, I panicked because I didn’t know how much syrup I would want. I didn’t want to put too much on them but I ALSO didn’t want to put not enough so I decided to bring the whole bottle with me and just add the syrup as I ate!
My Roommate: Oh, okay. See, I thought maybe you had a guest over or something and you guys were . . . you know, using syrup for . . . something.
Me: What does it say about me that, if given the choice between what actually happened and the scenario you just laid out, I cannot decide which I would choose?
My Roommate: *silence*
Me: I was afraid of that.
Well? What’s the verdict?