-When one has a raging hangover headache, the worst chore in the world is throwing the glass bottles from the previous night into the recycling bin. There is no quiet way to do this task. It angers the hangover. One ought to avoid this task at all costs.
-When one’s friends call out a 5 minute warning before changing party venues, one probably oughtn’t knock back one’s sweet tea vodka as quickly as possible so to allow oneself to have one more before one must leave.
-One should have these words tattooed on one’s drinking hand: It does not behoove one to drink much drinks. Because it doesn’t. Behoove one, that is.
-One should remember a hangover causes one to crave weird foods all day long. And just because one’s mind is trying to convince oneself that chips and onion dip will make one feel much better, they won’t. One should instead drink many waters and eat sensible, greasy foods.
-One ought to be grateful for the working relationship one has with one’s boss, thus allowing one to have the following text exchange with one of the Yummy Mummies:
One: Would you fire your nanny if she was too hungover to come see the kids in their costumes?
One’s boss: Not a chance. We are feeling your pain, sister. Drink water. We expect to see pictures of Like a Prayer Madonna on Tuesday.
-As one’s hangover fades away, one ought to commit to memory the feeling of the hangover, so as not to overindulge in imbibing ever again.
-(One won’t, though. Obvi.)
-And as always, one should ask oneself if the previous night’s shenanigans and antics were worth the pain the next day. And as always, the answer should be a resounding YES.
This post brought to you by sweet tea vodka, vodka cranberry, and Alida Moore, the Emily Post of the Hangover.