I’m galavanting around Boston right now, being silly with my family and glaring at every Red Sux logo I can see. In short, I have no time for you fools. (Kidding. I love you fools. And you’re not fools. But I really don’t have time for you.) SO! The lovely Nerd has agreed to do a guest post for you non-fools. Please to enjoy these funny snippets entitled Scenes from a Marriage. The players in these scenes are the Nerd, her Hubs, some cheese and hot chocolate, and various other whimsies. The Nerd and The Hubs have been married for 3 marvelous years.

Take it away, Nerd!

The Hubs in front of David, Florence, Italy

Hello new friends! Its nice to meet you. Homegirl asked me to take over her blog for a day while she is in Boston, and I was more than happy to oblige, but I couldn’t think of ANYTHING to talk to you guys about. So I decided to share my favorite feature of my blog with you: Random Conversations with The Hubs. Ya’ll, these are REAL convos I’ve had with my husband, who is the funniest person I know. I have compiled a list of ALL of our recent conversations from my blog. I hope you enjoy them! So without further ado….

In which I am characterized by the salads I eat (or do not eat)

The Hubs: “Let’s have chicken ceaser salad for dinner one night!”

Me: “Naw, you can. I’ve tried it before and I don’t like it.”

The Hubs: “You don’t like meat in your salad do you?”

Me: “Nope.”

The Hubs: “Gosh, you’re so boooring!”

Me: “Remember the game of Life? I loved that game!”

The Hubs: “Uh uh, I never played it…I LIVED it.”

In which I take a strange deep breath before yawning:

The Hubs: “You alright? Did a spirit just travel through your body?!?!”

In which my character is determined by the temperature of my feet:

The Hubs: “Ahhh your feet are cold! Wear some socks. Have some dignity!”

In which we discuss the movement of the covers in the night:

The Hubs: “Take the majority of the comforter please! I’ll steal it back from you in my sleep.”

Me: “Lol! That is so going on the blog.” (grabs phone and quickly begins typing)

The Hubs: “BLOG OFF!!!”

While watching Zombieland on Date Night:

Me: “I’m so glad I married you…but if you were a zombie I would kill you.”

The Hubs: “And I would shoot you in the face…”

Me: “Thank you. That’s all I’m asking.”

The Hubs: “…even if you weren’t a zombie.”

While flipping through channels on the tv:

Me: “I can’t believe Tobey Maguire’s not gonna be in Spiderman 4!”

The Hubs: “I can’t believe they’re making Spiderman 4.”

While watching American Idol:

Me: “He sounds like a mix between Daughtry and Nickleback.” (*this is NOT a good thing, people)

The Hubs: “That’s called a tsunami.”

While I enjoyed an after dinner snack:

The Hubs: “Cheese and hot chocolate? Are you trying to get fat?!?!”

Me: *stinkeye*

***Disclaimer: The Hubs does not really think The Nerd is fat. The Hubs prefers to joke about things that aren’t really true. The day he stops making those jokes is the day I need to worry.

In which we discussed the value of our love for each other:

The Hubs: “I should’ve married a rich mute girl.”

Me: “Nuh-uh! Money can’t buy YOU love.”

The Hubs: “But silence can.”

After being forced to watch New Moon:

The Hubs: “I wouldn’t exactly say I’m hooked, but if someone held a gun to my head and made me choose, I would be on Team Jacob…because DEADward is just soooo depressing.”

In which I brag of my skillz as a taekwondo white belt via email:

Me: “I’ve got a big bruise forming on my right hand knuckles from all the punching last night. It doesn’t hurt, but it is a constant reminder of how freakin’ awesome I am…and strong, of course.”

The Hubs: “Yes, you are awesome. You bruise when you hit pads.”

In which we discuss the new nerd blog in our bedroom closet:

The Hubs: “Yeah, I read all your blogs.”

Me: “Really? I love you. You’re so sweet.”

The Hubs: “No, I’m just making sure you’re not talking about me.”

After pulling the Totinos pizzas from the oven and realizing I like the look of his pizza better than mine:

Me: “Come on! Just trade one slice with me.”

The Hubs: “No way! You made your choice at the grocery store…well, at the altar really.”

Me: “I chose my pizza flavor when I married you?”

The Hubs: “Exactly.”

While watching “Dumb and Dumber:”

The Hubs: “This should have won an Oscar. Look at that acting!” (said as Jim Carrey tricked the barber by spraying ketchup from his neck)

While the beagle disgustingly licks his feet:

Me: “Ugh! Why do you just let her do that?!?!”

The Hubs: “Because YOU don’t do it!”

The Nerd and The Hubs, living the dream since 2007. Thanks guys, for this glimpse into marital bliss. Also, I’ll never post again because I will never write funnier words than those.

~Jealously yours,