There are new visitors to the blog today, thanks to the super sweet post by The Nerd.

Two things:

1) Schmoopy!
2) Welcome, new visitors! Browse around, say hello! I’m not nearly as entertaining as you’ve been told, but I’ll do my best to make you giggle.

In the spirit of introductions and new friends, I thought I would start a new blog series entitled Booyah: A Retrospective. And since I’m home sick today, away from babies and curled up in bed with my dog, it makes sense to start now! When I was home in Arkansas a few weeks ago, I went through all of our old family albums and scanned in some pretty awesome photos of Booyah as a young girl. And by awesome I mean horribly embarrassing. But you guys will probably enjoy them all the more for their awkwardness. Or, I guess, my awkwardness.

First, we’ll start with the first portrait ever taken of me:

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Upon seeing me, my grandfather asked if there was something wrong with my brain. My mother likes to tell the story of how, when my sister was a baby, people would see her for the first time and exclaim, “Oooh, look how pretty she is! She’s a beautiful baby!” Those same people, when seeing me for the first time would exclaim, “Oooh…look.”

The awkwardness started early, you’ll see.

Not to fear though! I grew out of that ugliness and actually had a couple of years where I was pretty damn cute (click on the photos to see them at their proper size. I’m bad at the Internet.) :

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See? It got better! I got cuter! And then I got older and my struggle with my weight began:

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Please to notice the yellow tape straining across my fat little Buddha belly. Strangers would come up to me and rub that belly for good luck. (Story unsubstantiated and/or made up by me just right now. But still. They could have. And probably it would have been lucky.)

As I grew, I embraced the Buddha belly, rocking the full piece bathing suit look (NOT the maternity suit mentioned here or here.)

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I’ve clearly embraced the gut. Notice I have struck a pose to maximize the belly. Also notice the pairing of socks/sneakers with the pink polka dotted bathing suit. That was true fashion sense y’all and it started at a very young age. As I grew into my belly, so also did I grow into my love for performing:

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This is my sister and I putting on our show. She was “Maddonya” and I was “Little Maddonya.” Please also notice I had no need for an actual microphone. No way dude, my HAND was my microphone. Because I was BORN with a mic in my hand!

(Do any of you remember that song? Made popular by Barbie and the Rockers? No? Well, it was an awesome song that came on the awesome cassette tape that came in the box of the AWESOME Barbie of Barbie and the Rockers. When I was 4, my sister and I were dressed up all fancy for some dinner at the country club. There was a woman singing, accompanied by a man playing the piano. They took requests, so Ceci and I marched up and requested Born with a Mic in Our Hands. They did not know it. We were all, “Yo, it’s by Barbie and the Rockers!” and they STILL did not know it, so my sister and I were all, “Don’t worry lady, we got this!” as we TOOK the microphone from her and stood in front of the room swaying back and forth and singing, “Born. We were born with a mic in our hand. BORN! We were born with a mic in our hand! Born…repeat ad naseum” while the piano player tried very hard to accompany us. Why yes, we WERE awesome, thank you for asking.)

Performing was very important to me, which is why I decided I wanted to learn to tap dance. So my mother signed us up for dance lessons, ballet and tap. And wouldn’t you know it? I was the best tap dancer in my class so when it came time for our recital, I got to stand in front of the line of girls and lead them all in our tap dance routine of Shine On Harvest Moon.

You’d think standing in front would have been enough to make me feel like a star. YOU WOULD BE WRONG. The mothers were also responsible for making our tutus and matching hair bows. My mother fully embraced and supported her would-be tap phenom by making me the LARGEST bow of anyone in my class:

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Please to notice the following:
1) My awesome tap dancing prowess.
2) My big ass hair bow.
3) The girls colliding with each other in the background. Y’ALL CAN’T TOUCH MY MAD TAP DANCING SKILLZ YO!!

I wish I could tell you guys I was gracious and benevolent in my clear dancing skillz superiority. I was NOT. In the video, I can be seen grabbing their arms and pulling them and pushing them and making them do the steps the right way. It was my time to shine, damn it, and WE WERE GOING TO SHINE.

Yes, my younger years were my glory years. I was the youngest, the baby of the family and I took my position very seriously. And it was all wonderful and sunshiney and fantastic.

UNTIL.

We’ll stop the first part of the retrospective here but I will give you a preview of the Thing that Happened that Changed EVERYTHING:

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That’s right. That little creature in the car seat is my baby brother. Please to notice how excited our Young Booyah looks that he came around. Little bastard-faced jerk. He stole my thunder, y’all.

So welcome to the blog! I hope you like what you read and that you’ll stick around for Part 2. I will give you some spoilers right now, just to keep you excited:

Braces. Glasses. EYEPATCH.

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