As you guys know, my sister and I are both home in Arkansas. It’s always so much fun to be home at the same time; we do a LOT of laughing. Two nights ago (March 31st), I remembered about April Fool’s and immediately ran into my sister’s room.
Me: CECI. TOMORROW IS APRIL FOOL’S DAY.
Ceci: OMG. We have to play a trick on Mom!
Me: Right?? What should we do? We have to do tape on the faucet for Eric since he isn’t here.
[Sidebar: Eri has put tape on the kitchen faucet every year and Mom forgets every year and so he gets her every time.]
Ceci: Totally. But what else? We have to do something else!
Me: I don’t know! Everything I think of is too mean!
Ceci: Like what? Just tell me what you’re thinking, even if your ideas are mean.
Me: Well, we could pretend you’re pregnant but that would be awful after her wistful sigh.
[Sidebar: In the car the other day, Ceci was telling us about all of her friends who are pregnant. At one point, she mentioned a couple who got married the day before she and Tim got married and from the backseat comes this heartbroken, wistful sigh. Poor Mom.]
Ceci: Yeah, I thought of that too but she’s so wistful. Poor Mom.
Me: Poor Mom.
Ceci: So what else did you think of?
Me: It’s all really mean! First I thought of pretending a dog is sick but that’s mean! And then I thought we could pretend someone was getting divorced but that’s mean! I’m really mean!
Ceci: *stares at me like she can’t believe how mean I am*
Me: I KNOW! QUIT JUDGING ME!
Ceci: You’re so mean though! Oooh, maybe we should email Eric and see if he has any ideas!
Me: Oooh, good idea! Send him a FB message!
So we did and then we went to bed, promising to think more about what prank we should play. The next morning, we heard back from our brother.
[Important note: A few months ago, Eric bought Papa Leo’s old truck but still hasn’t transferred the title to his own name. Okay, carry on.]
Eric’s Message: Hey sisters! What if I sent Mom a text telling her I was pulled over for speeding and the cops think the truck is stolen and so they are taking me in for questioning and I need Leo to call and clear me? Is that going too far?
We wrote him back saying no, that was not at all going too far, that was actually going to be funny, but he needed to not send a text since he’d probably not have use of his phone if he was being taken in. We told him to call from a different phone and tell her he was using his one phone call. He agreed and we waited for his call later on that evening.
Fast forward about 5 hours. We’re all sitting in the living room after dinner, watching Lost and eating chocolate cake. The phone rings and Mom answers it. I immediately get up and start to leave the room because I am not good at keeping a straight face. As I’m walking out, Mom throws the phone to Leo and starts shaking and crying. So Ceci and I rush over to her and she tells us Eric is in prison.
You guys. She’s SOBBING. So Ceci and I look at each other like, “The hell?” and try to calm her down:
Us: It’s okay Mom! Think about what day it is!
Mom: No, it’s not a joke. He wouldn’t joke about this to me. He’s ruined his life. His life is over. Oh my god, he wouldn’t do this as a joke. Cry cry sob.
Us: *exchanging panicked glances* Um, maybe he’d do it as a joke if his sisters told him it wasn’t going too far? And maybe his sisters did tell him that? And I bet they are really sorry?
Mom: THIS IS NOT FUNNY! (breaks down into even more tears and sobs)
So Leo hands the phone to Ceci (and he’s laughing) and Mom is screaming that it isn’t funny and Ceci gets on the phone with Eric. We’re all talking over each other and I’m trying to figure out why Mom is reacting so badly to this.
Me: Mom, it’s okay! What did he say to you? It was just the truck!
Mom: What truck? No, it was a strange boy on the phone telling me he and Eric had been driving home and had been pulled over for not using their turn signal. And then the cops searched the truck and FOUND COCAINE on Eric!
Me and Ceci: WHAT? Nononononononono! That wasn’t the plan!
So I get on the phone with Eric and start yelling at him because that wasn’t the plan, and Mom is still crying and Ceci is shaking her head and Papa Leo is laughing and Mom is screaming at him that it isn’t funny and Eric is on the phone saying, “We did it to 3 other moms and they all thought it was funny after they stopped crying!!!” And Mom is yelling that April Fool’s jokes shouldn’t be mean, they should be funny, like tape on the faucet is funny! And Ceci and I are talking over each other, going, “WE DID THAT! THERE IS TAPE ON A FAUCET! WE ARE FUNNY! HAHAHAHAHA!!”
My family is insane, by the way.
So we finally convince Mom to get on the phone with Eric, who is just apologizing and apologizing and Mom is yelling at him that he doesn’t know how her mind works and that she had him in prison for the rest of his life and Ceci is saying it wouldn’t have been that bad and Papa Leo is laughing still and I’m trying to find out if Mom would have thought the ORIGINAL plan was funny. (Later, once things calmed down, she was able to tell us she would have thought the original plan was very funny.)
It was a very emotional 20 minutes in our house last night.
1) Please to keep in mind how Mom’s mind works. As she told us last night, whenever Ceci was 15 minutes late for curfew (which I was NEVER late for curfew, thank you very much), she had Ceci in a coffin with her favorite stuffed cat, Buster. Also, wow.
2) Cocaine = TOO FAR.
3) Don’t change the plan at the last minute, especially when you are a 21-year-old boy hanging out with your other 21-year-old friends.
After everything calmed down, Papa Leo kept trying to convince Mom it was funny and she’d get all worked up again and I’d walk by him and whisper, “DANGER, DANGER!” and then he’d start laughing all over again and Mom would get sniffly.
Finally, Mom went to bed and Ceci and I were alone. And we looked at each other and immediately started giggling. And then 15 minutes later, Mom comes out of her bedroom to remind us that tape on the faucet is funny and yes, it had just gotten her. But then she started getting worked up again about the cocaine and Ceci and I had to check with her to make sure she knew it hadn’t REALLY happened and she was all, “BUT IT DID! I THOUGHT IT DID WHICH MADE IT REAL AND HIS LIFE IS RUINED!” and Ceci and I looked at each other with scared faces and Mom handed me a pill and told me to take it and I got very scared because she wouldn’t tell me what it was, but we googled the design on the pill and it turns out it was just a sleeping pill because I can’t sleep but still.
Would YOU have taken it after all that?
Happy April Fool’s Day, y’all!