Stuff you should know about the maternity swimsuit from the previous post: A List in Ten Parts

10. I am actually not wearing the maternity swimsuit at this moment. At this moment, it is chilly outside and also I’m curled up on the living room couch and my roommates and I don’t swing that way.

9. I just meant in general, were I to put on a bathing suit right now, it would be my maternity suit.

8. Again, I am not wearing it at this moment.

7. Also, I am not now, nor have I ever been pregnant.

6. When I said the maternity swimsuit fit, I meant that it didn’t NOT fit. And what I mean by that is exactly this. Vis a vis, the following: It was not too small. It may have been too big.

5. But you really could only tell it was too big when I actually got in the water.

4. See, in the water the middle part of the tankini (you know, where the baby belly ought to be?) would fill with water, billowing out to make it LOOK like I actually was pregnant.

3. You know, kind of like when you wear a t-shirt in the water? It gets all floaty? That is what the stomach part did.

2. I was both horrified and fascinated by this occurrence.


Thank you. Let’s pretend this (all of this) never happened.