We all know how loveful I am for lists and list-making. And even though it’s after 11 and even though I totally will be making my triumphant return to the office in the morning, I find myself awake. Not because I’m not tired, nay! I am actually quite tired. But the coughing. OHMYGODTHECOUGHING.
I am doomful for the coughing.
So then I started thinking about other things I’m doomful for. Which naturally made me think of things I’m loveful for.
Which means y’all get to play too! Or at least, read along as I play.
I am Loveful for:
-Moo, who is curled up against my feet, snoring, and doesn’t mind when I cough and cough and cough.
-Ginger Ale. Very loveful for ginger ale because it tastes so good when I’m sick.
-The television, which kept me entertained between my frequent naps on the sofa.
-My mother, as it is mother’s day and I called her. I’m also loveful for my mother because she is currently in Auburn with Grandaddy and is also currently plotting his demise, as the old man keeps turning on the heat. The heat in the house. In Auburn. Where it is 90 degrees outside. It’s her own version of the Christmas Music Wars.
-My favorite artist, who brought me ginger ale, spicy Thai soup (that I could actually TASTE), AND didn’t flinch when, upon asking me what sounded good for dinner, received this answer: “Um. Iams Adult dog food, weightloss formula in the blue bag. Please.” And thanks to him, Maizie got to eat dinner too.
-My apartment manager, who has not only walked Maizie a few times over the last few days, but also brought me some medicine and has sent me periodic text messages to check on me.
-My neighbor, who (upon receiving the following desperate text: Is possible am dying. Looking for dayquil. Can you help? Would knock but won’t. Am germy,”) actually called the apartment manager and asked her to go into his apartment and find his medicine and bring it over to me. This same neighbor walked Maizie last night when I could barely stand without swaying.
-Fun future plans, like a rollerskating bash with my favorite new friend, Curly Brunette.
I am Doomful for:
-Vicks Vapo-Rub, which I was TOLD would suppress the cough if I rubbed the goop on the bottoms of my feet and put on socks. I now have sticky socks, gooey feet, and I’m still coughing like a mofo.
-My left eye, which either burst a blood vessel during all the coughing or decided it wasn’t getting enough attention and is acting out by being all weird and red.
-Which reminds me. I am loveful for my glasses. And loveful for Vapo-Rub on my chest because it helps me breathe.
-The Improv Student Showcase. I’m having nightmares, y’all. Nightmares where I’m the only one on stage and I’m informed I have to do 45 minutes of long form improv, ALL BY MYSELF. It’s *terrifying* and I wake up in a cold sweat.
-My body temperature, which is either freezing cold or effin’ hot, which results in constant discomfort.
-The cough. I know I’ve mentioned it already but HOLY CRAP. I cough so much that I end up gasping for air and feeling even more dizzy.
-Whiny blog posts. (Sorry, y’all.)
OMG. Also. This week I watched some reruns of 90210 on SOAP. And you guys. One of the episodes was the one where Dylan and Toni get married. And then in the same episode? You guys. YOU GUYS. Toni effin’ DIES and Dylan pulls up to her car and opens the door and she falls out all dead and he’s SCREAMING, “Brandon! LOOK WHAT THEY DID TO HER BRANDON!” and I was crying and crying and crying.
Don’t believe me?
Please enjoy the following chat log from the moment I was watching the episode:
(And please keep in mind that Jon had never seen this particular episode before (nor has he seen any 90210 before, I think))
Jon: so how long have you been sick sick for now? 4 days or so?
I had a sore throat on monday
and then I was sore and sicky a bit on tuesday
but I went home from work on Wednesday at 12 and havent been back since
Jon: d’you still think it’s just a bad cold? or is there a doctor in your future?
me: I talked to the doctor’s office this morning
they said it’s just a viral thing everyone has
and to let it run its course
Jon: I guess that’s a little bit of good news and a little bit of bad
Jon: that it’s nothing crazy is good, but there’s nothin’ you can do about it is bad
me: I can watch 90210
although I’m going to cry soon
because this is a VERY sad episode
Jon: well at least you can prepare for it
Jon: get the tissues box ahead of time
me: this episode makes me cry almost as much as when Denny dies
Jon: maybe you will cry out your virus
me: I’m hoping so
Jon: what happens in this episode that’s so very sad?
me: toni dies
she and dylan get married
and her father has put a hit out on dylan
but toni ends up being in the place dylan was supposed to be
and so she dies
and he finds her and is holding her and screaming and crying
and it’s awful
why do I watch this?
Jon: because it speaks to you?
Jon: and no matter how many times you watch it, you’ll cry jsut the same, eh?
me: it’s true
there are a few things that have that effect on me
and this is one of them
because they get married and then she dies
ALL IN THE SAME EPISODE
damn you, Aaron Spelling!!!
Jon: when thinking about the master of tragedy, I think of Euripides, Shakespeare and Spelling
it’s going to happen in like 5 minutes
I can’t handle this
Jon: talk it out
i’m here for ya
me: bruno knows something is going down
Jon: who’s bruno?
me: bruno is toni’s father’s right hand dude
he realizes toni’s father is setitng dylan up to be killed
and now bruno is pacing
Jon: why doesn’t he stop it!
me: HE’S TRYING
but toni and dylan took the phone off the hook so they could be all newlyweddy
but he’s calling The Peach Pit
and now he told Brandon Walsh “the old man put a hit on dylan!”
and off brandon goes in the rain
and now Toni is going off in the rain to see her father in dylan’s place
oh no, Jon
this is NOT going to end well
Jon: maybe this time it will!
me: that’s my secret hope
there’s toni, driving
brandon just told dylan what’s up
toni is driving
here comes the car that will shoot her
there’s the shooter!!
Jon: oh no!
me: shots fired
here comes dylan
opening the door
oh good lord
dylan is screaming
and I’m crying
Jon: i’m almost crying myself
me: it’s so awful
dylan is screaming, “Look what they did to her, brandon!!!”
Jon: and they were just married!
me: THE DAY BEFORE!
they were so happy
about to move to hawaii
Jon: to move to hawaii forever?
what does dylan do now?
what does he have left?
me: I cannot remember
I want to say he goes surfing
for a long time
see, the other thing?
Toni’s father (Tony) also killed Dylan’s father
me: I know
Jon: that’s one bad mutha ducka
me: he’s a bunch a bitchess
Jon: in the truest sense of the term
now he’s going to talk with Tony
Dylan vs Tony
where I think Dylan says soemthing about them being even or something
Tony pulled out a gun
he’s handing it to Dylan so Dylan can kill him
yup, dylan just said they are even now and the killing is DONE
dropped the gun at Tony’s feet
And Tony is crying
Dylan is now packing up a bag
and sees Toni’s wedding dress
oh good lord
Jon: the hits just keep on coming
me: dylan just found toni’s lost cat
and he’s holding the cat and crying
poor Dylan McKay
wow his hairline is receding a lot for a 23 year old guy
Jon: this episode has aged him
me: it’s true
Jon: no 23 year old should experience that must sorrow
me: it’s true
he’s packing up his motorcycle with the cat
about to take off
Jon: it’s good for him to get it all out of his system now, so next episode he can hit the clubs and get lo lo lo lo
me: poor Dylan McKay
Jon: i hope dylan recovers one day
me: I believe he does
because eventually he and Brandon fight over kelly
and Kelly makes the I Choose Me speech in her wedding gown
what happens to dylan in the end?
me: I cannot remember
I think he rides off on his motorcycle again
so now we’ve moved on to emeril
I’m also loveful for friends who support me through hard-to-watch television and don’t make fun of me for how invested I get in fictional characters.
Which reminds me of another story. Linds called on Friday night to check on me. She was all, “How are you feeling? What are you doing?” and I was all, “I just ordered PS I Love You on pay per view. WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF?”
And she didn’t know.
So yes. Loveful, doomful, and crying over fictional characters.
Just another crazy day this girl’s life.
That’s all I got!