Dear Keanu,

You are so silly. There is no reason to get so nervous that you have to hang up on me when I answer my phone. I realize you are shy and possibly you think someone as amazing as I am would never fall for a guy like yourself. Oh Keanu, love of my life. You are sorely mistaken.

I’m writing to let you know the joy you’ve added to my life, the meaning you brought to my heart. You, sir, complete me.

So please. Next time you call? Next time the phone rings and I pick up and say, “Thank you for calling Stand for Children, how may I assist you today?”

Just say hello. Don’t hang up. Don’t let your nerves get the best of you. You are a better man than all of that, by far. I mean, would Ted get nervous about a girl? No, sir, he would not. Be excellent to me and say hello. Gird thy loins, sir. Gird!

Until then, I will continue to answer my phone with hope in my voice, waiting.

Yours, as ever,