Hee. Not really. I only wrote that title because it’s funny. I don’t really have 10 things I hate about myself. I *am* going to write a list of 10 things and these 10 things are about *me*, but I’m fairly ambivalent toward these 10 things. In case you were wondering. It’s really more a list of 10 things that are true about me (or my life) right now, things I am either happy or ambivalent toward these things. But that’s not a very interesting title now, is it?
10) After a lot of thought, I’ve decided upon my imaginary super power. I would like to be collapsible, like one of those travel drinking cups. You know, the little plastic accordion cups that fit nicely in your pocket? That’s the power I would like to have. I would very much like to be collapsible and fit nicely in your pocket. I’m not sure how this super power would help save the world, but I think it would be handy. It’s nice to be portable, I think. Plus, it took me nearly 27 years to think of my super power. I figure I have plenty of time to figure out how that super power will help humanity.
9) I’ve developed a new allergy. And you are going to laugh at me, but I think it’s fairly serious. In fact, the next time I hang out at the hospital (like you do) and they are all, “Hey! Do you have any allergies?” I’ll have to be all, “Hey, yes! I’m allergic to Ray Liotta.” Really. I am. It’s very difficult to even type this out because I’m getting all itchy. He’s creepy and he makes my skin crawl. And the other night, Miss D and I were watching television and a preview for his new movie came on and I started itching like whoa. And I even got little bumps on my arm. Miss D was yelling about how it was psychosomatic and urged me to think of something pleasant (“Keanu Reeves!!” she shouted at me. “THINK OF KEANU REEVES!!!”). It didn’t help. So I have this weird allergy to Ray Liotta and I’m not sure where it came from or what to do about it.
8) My math skillz continue to worsen. I thought I would get better with age (and practice) but I was wrong. Once, while baking with a good friend, I tried to double 1/4. I was all, “Well. 1/4 plus 1/4 equals 2/8, which simplifies down…to 1 over…4. So…wait. 1/4 plus 1/4 equals 1/4? Um, hold on. That can’t be right. Someone get me a visual aid. Hand me those eggs and a marker.” The whole time, her stupid engineer husband was practically crying because he was laughing so hard…at me. And my math skillz. And it’s getting worse. The other day at work I was trying to divide my tasks into hours of the day. I was all, “Okay, I will be here for 8 hours today. So if I focus half of my time on scheduling and half on research, then that means I have 3 hours for scheduling and 5 hours for research.” And I did that. Until the end of the day when I realized 8/2 equals 4/4 and NOT 3/5. See? Awesome.
7) I keep hitting my head. This one actually *is* something I’m beginning to hate about myself. I’m not sure *how* exactly I’m doing it, but I keep hitting my head. I think it’s happening while I’m asleep. I wake up most mornings with a headache and I actually have wounds on my head sometimes. I’m not sure what they did but I’m *inclined* to blame Enron.
6) I’ve lived in Seattle for almost 6 months. A whole half year! And the time feels like it’s gone by soooo fast. And so much has happened. I’ve had 3 jobs (not that one of them really counted, as it was the in between job before I got the non-profit), 2 roommates (and I really don’t count the first one because she turned out to be unkind), and numerous (awful) dates. I finally know my way around the city (for the most part). Okay, maybe sometimes I get lost. But still. I have favorites. I have a favorite grocery store (TJ’s…and Safeway), a favorite coffee shop (Essential Baking), a favorite breakfast place (Silence Heart Nest), favorite restaurants (The Stumbling Goat and Bleu Bistro), a favorite park (Discovery during the day, Gasworks at night), a favorite place for cupcakes (Trophy), and a favorite place for scenery (Snoqualmie). I feel settled. I even have favorite people (Miss D, the Trumpet Player, the Co-Member of my Rock Band, and on and on). I’m happy. I’ve made a small little life out here and I’m happy with it.
5) I don’t like my banana bread recipe. I think it’s bland. Miss D and the Trumpet Player disagree, but I think it needs nutmeg. Or maybe some allspice. Oooh. Allspice.
4) Next week is Thanksgiving. And my sister is flying in on Monday so that we can spend the week together. And I’m SO EXCITED to see her, as I haven’t seen her since our mom’s wedding. The only thing that would make this visit better would be if one of us owned Guitar Hero. I’m actually kind of addicted to Guitar Hero, I think. Sometimes I’ll be listening to the radio and I’ll hear a song and the guitar bits just jump out at me and I think, “I’d rock this mother on Guitar Hero. ROCK it.” And I would. Because when I think to myself, I don’t usually brag. I’m actually pretty self-aware. And someone who can rock Possum Kingdom like I can? Well, it earns bragging rights, my friend.
3) My current ringtone is Total Eclipse of the Heart (unless you’re my mom, then it is Bobby McGee). The problem with having an AWESOME ringtone is how you want to listen to the whole song whenever your phone rings. I’ve actually missed calls because I’m bad at timing my ring. But I can’t help it. Every now and then I fall apart. I mean, it’s like I’m living in a powder keg and giving off sparks.
2) My dog is afraid of the rain. And now we live in Seattle. And the rainy season is beginning. So now we’ll be out for a walk/run (mostly walking, as my knee is still tweaked from the Great Duck Incident of July) and it will start sprinkling and Moo FREAKS THE HELL OUT. She tries to duck. You can’t duck the rain. Because it’s everywhere. So she freaks the hell out and then tries to run home. But she has no sense of direction and pulls me in the complete opposite direction from home. So I’ve got a twitchy dog on the end of the leash, a twitchy dog who is actually ducking as she runs. And then she gets stumbly and trips. We go well together, me and my dog. She’s stumbly and I’m mysteriously bumping my head in the night.
1) I kind of have the best roommate right now. She’s so schmoopy. She is full of light and so nurturing. I came from a fairly awful living situation and Miss D did everything she could to make me feel that this new home was *our* home. She’s sweet to Moo and sweet to me. She makes coffee in the mornings. She eats my baking experiments. She asks me about my life. She is fiercely defensive on my behalf. She tells me I’m pretty. And she’s hella funny. She’s got this amazing capacity for love and she loves first and asks no questions. Very rarely are people that selfless and giving and sometimes I can’t believe I got so lucky. Plus she has kind eyes.
So there you go! 10 things. 10 good/slightly crummy/a little bit Awesome things. That I don’t hate.
Because you know what Phoebe says. “Don’t hate. Don’t put that in the universe.”