Why was the week hard? I lost someone who had become close to me, I had a startling episode where I recalled suppressed childhood memories, and I was accosted in the mall.
1) The someone who was close to me: Anand. Oh Anand. How I miss you. See, I was driving down the road the other day with Toommate, looking for a thrift store. I was stuck behind a very sloooow car with the name Anand across his back windshield. As I was driving, I started to address Anand. “Oh Anand. How do you be so slow?” and “Anand. Why must you swerve every time you brake?” But I began to develop a fondness for Anand, especially the way his name was NOT centered over the brake light of his windshield. I even started to appreciate his quirky driving. I began to imagine a future where Anand and the Tercel drove off together, forever living a life of being slow and swerving. I could learn to swerve, for Anand. And we all know I’m not the best driver. But alas, it wasn’t meant to be, as Anand turned right on Abrams, and I was still heading toward Park Row. Symbolic, isn’t it? Haven’t we all missed our Anand because we had to head to Park Row?
2) Suppressed Childhood Memories: The first I blame on Toommate. She went to the Post Office with me and after, mentioned how she used to love the post office as a child because of the smell and the people and what not. I remembered that I also had loved the post office, but it was because I was always convinced that someone would see me there and come to me and say, “Excuse me. Are you Alida Michelotti? You are? I have 3 packages here for you, full of pink ribbons and frilly dresses and rainbows!” It never happened. Not once. And then I would leave the post office feeling sad and rejected.
The second suppressed memory came from watching VH1 and their I Love the 80s Crack. They did a small segment on Cabbage Patch Dolls. The scene went like this:
Hal Sparks: Ooooh! Cabbage Patch Dolls! The creepiest dolls ever!
Me: Oh Hal Sparks. You are so cute but so wrong! I love Cabbage Patch dolls!
Toommate: Did you have one?
Me: Sure did! Her name was Addie and. . .(breaks off as she is flooded with horrible suppressed memories. . .)
Toommate: What? What’s wrong?
Me: Omigoodness. I PEED ON HER! I PEED ON MY CABBAGE PATCH DOLL!!
Toommate: (laughing horribly as my short-lived friendship with Addie flashes into my mind) Are you serious!?! You peed on your Cabbage Patch Doll? Did she anger you in some way?
Me: No!! I took her everywhere with me and one day I really had to go to the bathroom. . .and I dropped her by my feet and got caught in my overalls and. . .well. . .
Me: Omigosh, I’m a horrible person! I can’t believe I’d forgotten that. I mean, Mom washed her but she just. . .wasn’t the same. . .after. . .
Toommate: Looks at me like I have two heads
Oh Addie. I’m so very sorry you had to go that way. How unpleasant. And I blame you, Osh Kosh Bagosh! Stupid trick overall straps!
3) Accosted in the mall: If you’ve read past entries, you know I have difficulty saying no to salesmen. I’ve got good news, friends. I’ve come a long way and I said NO to a boy in the mall pushing magazines. It was easy, as he was smarmy and annoying, but still!!
Annoying Boy: Wow. You’re gorgeous!
Me: What are you selling?
Annoying Boy: I’m trying to earn money for college!
Me: By selling . . .?
Annoying Boy: Walk with me.
(At which point he PUTS HIS ARM ON MINE and walks me over to a bench)
Annoying Boy: So uh. . .you have a boyfriend or what?
Me: Yes, I do.
Annoying Boy: Does he tell you that you are gorgeous at least 5 times a day?
Me: Hell no. I have to pay him to go out with me!
Annoying Boy: (does not realize I’m kidding) But you’re beautiful!
Me: Wow. You *really* want to sell whatever it is you are selling!
Looong story short (because I am typing this out and it just isn’t funny at all), I said no, shanked him in the nuts with my claw, and ran away.
So what’s going on these next few weeks? Test, volunteer hours, visiting Washington with Grandaddy for the Ia Drang Reunion, and making a biiiig decision. Please send smart thoughts my way!
SHOUT OUT TO DARREN!!! Because it was the best submission (and the only one, but still!) and because you found the square root of Kettle Corn, you win last blog’s contest!!! Congrats! Please watch the mail next week for your prize!!!
To those of you who didn’t think I was serious. . .well, maybe next contest you will jump at the chance to compete!!!