(Alternate Title: This is why I don’t date.)

Okay, so there is a new “situation” in my life. I choose the word situation because that is just what it is. This is not dating. I’d rather we all avoid that term at all costs, especially since we aren’t dating, just have been on a couple of dates, so maybe you could say we are feeling each other out. And then Kitty could say we are feeling each other up, because that’s what Kitty says. But Kitty would be wrong. ANYWAY. Situation with a Someone.

The other night, I went to his house for the first time. While I was driving there, he called to let me know that his friend Shayne was going to be joining us for dinner, which was fine with me. Shayne, the Someone, and I all went to eat at the Macaroni Grill. After, we went back to the Someone’s apt to watch a movie. Halfway through the movie, the Someone and Shayne decided they were thirsty and wanted to run to the 7eleven for sodas. This is what happened:

(All players in this scene are sitting on couches. The Someone and Shayne stand up, announcing the 7eleven plan)

The Someone: Man. I’m thirsty, and I don’t have any sodas. Shayne, are you thirsty?

Shayne: Yeah, man, I really am. Do you want to run get some sodas?

The Someone: Sure, I could go for a soda. How about you, Alida?

Alida: Nah. I’m good.

The Someone: You sure? You don’t want a soda?

Shayne: Soda is good, you know.

Alida: Yeah, I know. I’m good though.

The Someone: Okay, well, we are going to run to the 7eleven. Do you want to come?

Alida: Nah, I’m good.

Inner Dialogue of Alida: What? “I’m good?” Why on earth would you say that? You aren’t “good.” Saying you’re good implies that you aren’t going with them. Not going with them means you are staying in the apartment. Alone. Alone in the Someone’s apartment on the first night you ever go there? Who does this? “I’m good?” Are you kidding me? And now you can’t *go* with them because you can’t back down. Even though all three of you know this is a very odd situation because WHO DOES THIS? Quick, don’t back down, but say something to save face!!!

Alida: (panicking) Um, where’s your bathroom?

Inner Dialogue of Alida: (slaps Inner Forehead) Nooooo!!!! Now the Someone and the Shayne are going to think that you have to go to the bathroom bathroom!! It’s too early for the Someone to know that you do that! And besides that, you don’t really have to go! You just want to wash your hands! And maybe check your hair again. Okay, and probably reapply your lipstick. But you can’t *say* that now because they won’t believe you! There is nothing you can do to get out of this situation!! All because you said, “Nah, I’m good” when asked if you wanted to go to the store! Although, in your defense, who asks a first time guest if they *want* to go somewhere? You just have to assume that person is going to come. You don’t say, “Want to come,” you say, “Let’s go!” The Someone should know by now not to give you a choice in things, because you just royally mess them up. This is why you don’t date!

Alida: (probably twitching a little on her face)

The Someone: Um. Okay. The bathroom is down that hall.

Shayne: Do you want us to get you anything? Juice?

Alida: Nah, I’m good.

Inner Dialogue of Alida: QUIT SAYING THAT!!! (and to the boys) JUST GO!!!!

And…Scene.

So the boys left, and I washed my hands, and then had a panic attack about what I should do in the apartment unsupervised.

Inner Dialogue of Alida: What should I do now!? I can’t believe I did this. Do I go through the boxes over there to make sure they don’t contain severed body parts? Do I sit on the couch and not move an inch? I want to seem relaxed when they come back in, so I can’t look freaked out. Art! I should look at the art! Okay, I’ve looked at the art. They aren’t back yet, I’ve looked at the art, and now if they walk in it will be obvious that I’m just looking at the art to look like I’m looking at the art. I could look out the window. Crap. This makes me look like a stalker. Art again? Okay, art. Oooh, CDs. I will examine the CDs. Good taste, that. Crap. They still aren’t back. I could wash my hands again, but if they come in and I’m in the bathroom, they’ll think I’ve been in the bathroom the whole time! That won’t work. “Nah, I’m good.” Note to self: eliminate said phrase from vocabulary, you moron. Art. Fine. Art.

And…Scene.

See what I mean? This is why I don’t date. I’m just not good at it.

I told my sister this story, and she asked me why on earth didn’t I just change my mind and go. I told her I felt I needed to stick to my guns and not be wishy washy, so that I would seem like a strong woman. Ceci said, “Yeah. Good plan. Stick to the weird decision. That will make him like you.”

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