Awake at 4am. Everytime I put my head on my pillow, I get all these thoughts. And they keep me awake. So what better way to get sleepy than by boring myself (and the countless three who read this stupid thing) to the point of exhaustion? Damn straight!

Oh, and before I go on, may I just say: Stupid Boston Red Sux. Blaargh. 12 innings. 12!!! Tw-12-elve!!!! There was a little cursing in my living room tonight. Shut up, Boston. Shut up about your curse. And a special , heartfelt, loving shut up to Tom.

Okay, moving on. My thoughts. I have many. I’m not going to share all of them here because a girl has to have her secrets, even the ones she keeps from herself. Which category tonight? God? Eh. Old names, new names? Nope, not yet. Movies? Yes, we’ll go with movies. And in turn, see where movies go with us.

I watched Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind this evening. After the stupid 12 innings. After my boys failed to rally in the 9th…and 10th…and 11th…and 12th. Blaargh. So that’s possibly why I’m still awake.

ANYWAY! Good grief. I keep getting off track. This movie was actually pretty amazing. The idea that somebody (or some relationship) could hurt you enough to make you want to *erase* it from your mind was pretty unsettling to me. I don’t want to include spoilers, but let’s just say it got me thinking. I, like all others who saw this movie, have begun the “what would I do” battle in my mind.

I honestly don’t think I would opt for such a procedure. Sure, there are things that I would like to forget: the Shaved Head Incident of 1990, my entire fourth grade year (as consequence of Shaved Head Incident), Phi Lamb, much of A&M. But those things have so much to do with who I am now. Because if you forget your mistakes, your humiliations, and your lowest moments, how do you keep from making the same choices? How would you grow? Please anyone, feel free to play devil’s advocate on this one.

I read this book once about regret. In the novel, a new time travel had been invented that allowed people to go back in time and make different choices. They had a certain amount of time, and at the end of it, if they chose to stay in their new past, their future self would just die. It explained time as this interwoven thread with many different planes and pathways. Bleh. That makes no sense, BUT what was interesting was the choices these people made. They were allowed to go back in time and live their lives again, fully aware of their future selves. Kind of a spin on the “if I knew then what I knew now” thing. It was called Time Lottery. I think the book sucked, if I remember correctly, but the concept was interesting.

Speaking of time travel and the past (no, I did *not* figure out how to go back in time)–I talked with an old friend this evening. Actually, 2 old friends at different times. One was my old prayer partner from Asher. She’s growing up so fast. I don’t mean to sound patronizing, but she really is. And I’m proud of who she’s becoming. She seems to see the world through a pretty clear lens, not the Christ-colored glasses so many others seem to use. And I say Christ-colored using “Christ” in this context as something unreal and artificial, manufactured by the hordes who can’t explain why they believe what they believe. I do not use “Christ” to mean the real person. Just to clear that up. She deserves a cookie; it’s amazing she’s so grounded, considering the environment she’s in.

The other old friend was Tom. Tom who got told to shut up a minute ago. Because he’s a git who badmouths the greatest team in baseball history. But he’s pretty, so we’ll let it slide. Tom has also changed quite a bit in the past few years, and he’s somebody to be proud of. “Real” is a good word to describe him. So yay for Tom and congrats on his upcoming wedding.

Speaking of “real” (and then I’m going to try and go to bed, because this is figging ridiculous)–I worry the obsession with being “real” is just another Christ-crazed fad, like brokenness was in ’02, or repentance was in ’03, or even evangelism in ’01. Maybe I’m too cynical, but I feel as though if I talk too much about something, to too many people, I’ll lose it. Does that make any sense?

Okay, this ended up being not about a movie so much at all. I’m little miss rambly tonight. Lots of fun.

Okay, 2 shifts tomorrow, and more and more, it’s looking like a nap in between.

Mood of the Moment: tired, reflective, and always floopy.

Music of the Moment: ELO “Mr. Blue Sky”